Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Memos I Wish I Had Received Today

To: Mom2Drew
From: Communications Department
Re: New Method of Communication

Please be advised that Miss M has now perfected a new form of communication - a high-pitched shriek. She intends to debut said verbal milestone around 1 o'clock.

It would be preferable that you cancel your trip to the public library which is set to occur at the same time.

To: Mom2Drew
From: Facilities Management
Re: The plastic bag in the garage

While it might be tempting to grab the empty plastic bag in your garage today for your walk with the dog, please be advised that said bag was used for a sprinkler-related project over the weekend.

The leaky tube of apoxy glue was temporarily housed in that bag.

Management cannot be responsible for damage to clothing or stains to skin, hair and various other fabrics from this bright purple substance.

To: Mom2Drew
From: Facilities Management
Re: Common Area Maintenance

We applaud your desire to scrub the tile floors throughout the common area today. Please note, however that while your chosen cleaner of choice is titled "Barkeepers Friend", a more suitable name might be "Mom2Drew's Enemy".

You may be pleased to note that by the third complete cleaning of your tile floors, the white chalky residue will begin to dissipate.

1 comment:

Two Shades of Pink said...

You know it is a bad day when high pitched screaming causes you to begin handling toxic household substances as a means to escape it. Perhaps this particular decibel level is one that psychologically affects your brain synapses in the decision making area of your brain. I shall champion an intervention with a specific key code for household agents and their uses while pumping you with mass quantities of coffee. That's right. I AM a good friend.