To the very kind yet slightly-androgynous-looking young lady who served us our sandwiches yesterday:
Please accept my sincere apologies. Personally, I think your hair looks very cute in that short, spiky style.
In fact, I wish that I could pull off the "baggie jean shorts and athletic jersey" look with the same flair.
Your tattoos and piercings speak volumes about your desire for creativity and self-expression.
My son certainly meant to cause you no embarassment when he inquired in his "outside voice" whether you were a boy or a girl. Several times in a row.
Although your frequent diner benefits are tempting, I hope you understand that I will not be visiting your establishment again anytime in the near future. At least, not without a roll of duct tape...